Confession #15: I LOVE My Husband!

My Great Grandmother and the Love of her life

I suppose it should be no surprise that I truly love my husband, but I just had to make this confession today because today is our anniversary! We have had a rocky time at being married (I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about)...We've had some crazy things happen to us that I thought NEVER would, some good, some bad. Finally, after 8 years I think I have figured out all the answers to every marriage question, how to be not only the perfect wife but also the perfect mother, know how to completely balance a checkbook, donate to all the right organizations...ah, the list can on and on!

...not really...

I only know of some things NOT to do...sometimes BUT I do know that I have finally found the Best Friend I have been searching for my ENTIRE life.

When I think about my marriage and the man who wakes up beside me every morning despite all the things that have tried to stop that from happening and that song from The Sound of Music comes to my mind. You know the one...

Perhaps I had a wicked childhood
Perhaps I had a miserable youth
But somewhere in my wicked, miserable past
There must have been a moment of truth

For here you are, standing there, loving me
Whether or not you should
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good

Yeah, that's about right... 

Confession #14: Okay, So I DON'T Know It All

Okay, so I don't have a diploma from the Knowitall University...I admit I know practically NOTHING about a lot of things. Today some friends and I were talking about unity and family and how they keep it all together and I realized I don't have any of that! I don't have family unity and I don't have the personal examples they all seemed to have. I was even asked my opinion on something and I had to admit that I had no clue and that in fact I was taking notes on what they were talking about!

I thought I was doing okay but in reality everything is so mixed up. Nothing is in order, nothing is set right. Of course I can excuse some of it because we're in the middle of a huge move for my little family but I can think back a few years and realize how lost I really was/am.

I was listening and taking mental note on what was said and how happy everyone was talking about how their families get together and talk about stuff, how they've supported each other through thick and thin, and I was sad. One lady piped up and told me I shouldn't be sad because I can start all of this right now for my own little circle. Then I was overwhelmed because instead of having years of experience and examples of what to do and what not to do, I have to start from scratch! Sure, I have friend's examples but I no one to call in the middle of the night when things are really, really bad and I need reassurance right then and there...it's just me, and my husband, and God.

I suppose I'm the pioneer on more levels than I thought...yet another thing I didn't know about...

Confession #13: Sometimes I Just Want to Strangle My Kid!

Okay, I admit it: sometimes I want to wrangle my kid's neck! Don't get me wrong; I LOVE my kid, but there are times that he does or says, or doesn't do or say things that make me...OOOHHH!

(Just so you know, no children, including mine, have been harmed in the making of this blog)

It gets worse or so I hear. My sweet little cuddle-bug who longed for me to hold him is pushing away, and that's supposed to be a good thing. I'm trying to recognize this now so when he's a teenager I'm not thrown completely off my guard! One can only hope...

Confession #12: I'm Deathly Afraid of Death

As far back as I can remember, I have been afraid of death and dying. I had animals die and distant relatives die, some older friends die...none of which brought me to the understanding of the act much less subside my fears. It wasn't until our time with cancer and necrotizing fasciitis that my fear truly became palpable.

I'm a control freak and suddenly coming to the realization that I have absolutely NO control over what happens in my life but that the only thing I do have control over is my reaction to it all was and is too much! I have spent the last 4 1/2 years trying to cope with it all.

I thought that with the birth of my son that my life was really starting only to find that it was trying to end. I felt I was at the beginning of something wonderful instead of something beyond my scope of reasoning. Then I read in my current book something that helps me to come to terms with "beginnings". It says, "Beginnings could happen more than once, or in different ways. You could think you were starting afresh, when actually what you were doing was carrying on as before." MIND BLOWN!

We're about to make the biggest physical move since we have been married. I thought we were starting something big and new in our lives a few months ago with school and weight loss, and Pampered Chef, just to find out it was only in preparation of what was to come. Not death exactly but maybe in a different form. Death of a life too frustrating to explain and the start of a new life, per say, in the way of a move?

I don't know, either way I'm still scared...