Confession #5: What Child Is This?

I had Postpartum Depression (PPD) following the birth of my Miracle Baby. Granted, A LOT of things were frantic in my house (and not just because of the baby) and only in hindsight did I see that what was dominating my thoughts and emotions were the affects of PPD.

I never held a brand new baby in my life and I was 32 when I had my son. I had no idea what breast feeding was like or how to go about it. But the worst thing by far was not feeling the bond so many say happen when caring for your child. I could not honestly say "I love you" to my son until the PPD dissipated...6 months after he was born!

I often had to hold on to him tightly so as not to throw him...it was a sad and scary time for he and I. I had so much going on in my life at that moment that I could not grasp why this tiny newborn didn't understand this. I wanted to love him and snuggle him and feel the closest I could get to God's love that people describe when bonding...but I could not.

Once the depression passed I could not get enough of my kid, so much so I think I was bordering on obsession! I think I was over-compensating...

Four years later I feel as normal as a mother could possibly feel with the world bombarding me with their own thoughts and ideas on how I should feel, but that's okay because I do feel the way I should when actually bonding with my kid.